My Name is No

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For the life of me I can’t understand what has happened to the dating scene. Do you have a filter? If so, please use it. Etiquette still applies and some of this stuff should be common sense.

After comparing notes and swapping stories, it seems that most of you guys seemed to have picked up on this stuff, but for those of you who missed the memo (this applies to some women too), or were dropped on your heads, we have some tips for you.

  1. Don’t send pictures that you wouldn’t post on Facebook.
    Please for the love of God do not follow up a “hey how are you doing” with a picture of your junk. I don’t care how high your freak flag may fly, it is not an appropriate follow up to “hi.” Thankfully this has only happened to me once. The follow up message to the pic was, “do you see anything you like?” No, I see a guy who a.) has no clue how to treat women, or b.) is trying way too hard and has no clue how to treat women. You wouldn’t walk up to me, say hi and undress. It’s a HUGE turn off no matter how well endowed you are. Just no, Delete, Block.
  2. Don’t talk about your ex
    If all you can talk about on your first date with someone is your ex and what he/she did, then you should find some hobbies and maybe a therapist. Your date is not your therapist. This only leaves your date with an image of your ex, not a good impression of you. It probably also means you aren’t ready to date (and that’s okay, it takes time). Take your time. Please.
  3. Don’t write novels on your profile
    I’m sorry, when it comes to online dating, it’s a shallow process. You’re picking someone from their picture. I hardly read those profiles. Who has time? If I decide to go out with you, I’ll form my opinions then. It cracks me up when my two sentence profile generates a lot of opinions about my personality and what I want out of life.
  4. Don’t write novels instead of introducing yourself
    Pretty much see above. I’m not going to spend my precious time reading a novel when you should be introducing yourself. Writing that much instead of just a sentence or two tells me you are WAY more into this than I am. I will most likely not respond.
  5. Don’t propose instead of saying hi
    Ugh! Seriously, you don’t even know me. Let’s break this down. This tells me you are either desperate or you pledge your love to every pretty lady who comes across your screen, or you just plain need to work on your jokes. NO, this gets old.
  6. Don’t go on about how much money you make
    This is never attractive. As Shania Twain says, “That don’t impress me much.” Okay, it impresses those girls looking for a sugar daddy. I make my own money. I don’t need yours.
  7. Don’t whine
    I have a zero whine policy at home. When my kids were little and started whining, I would lovingly look down at them and tell them that I would be happy to talk to them when they could speak to me in a normal voice. I don’t speak whine. Wine is a different story.
  8. Don’t assume the worst
    If I don’t respond to you, I haven’t necessarily blown you off. I don’t get on those stupid sites very often. After not getting a response from messages that basically say “Hi, you’re beautiful, I’d love to meet,” don’t then proposition me. Be respectful. I’m sorry I didn’t get your first three messages, I’ve been busy working, raising my kids and living my life. You might want to try that.
  9. Don’t post pictures of yourself from 10 years ago
    Seriously? What do you think is going to happen when you actually meet someone and you clearly don’t look like your picture? Nice surprises are good. Bad surprises result in your date walking out on you. Don’t be surprised when this happens. I hear women running afoul of this one fairly often too. A friend met a women who said she had a small tattoo. Sure, if by small you mean it started at your toe and ran up your entire body, then yeah, I guess it’s small. REALLY? Don’t lie.
  10. Don’t play games
    High school ended a while back. No one has time for this crap. I hear a LOT of stories about this. Be real. Be you. Be open. Be respectful. I like it when guys are direct about what they want or what they’re looking for. I’ll do the same. Most women and men will. It saves everyone time.

I actually respected the guy who said he was looking for a regular hookup. I asked what that meant and he told me. I said no thanks and we both went our separate ways. It was open and honest and I greatly appreciate that.