One of the biggest issues in dating and relationships is failed expectations and the answer to the above question differs greatly from woman to woman as do her expectations.
For me, if I’m going to give up one of my two kid-free nights per month to go on a date with you, you need to have planned something and asked in advance: not the day of, not the day before, but at least a week before.
To me, a date is something that a guy has put his time and effort into. Hanging out is just like, “Hey, are you free? Because I really don’t care enough about you to make any plans.” If a guy isn’t willing to put any time or effort into seeing me, then I have no reason to put any time into seeing him, like at all, ever, so that’s a “no” to hanging out.
I was recently part of a discussion on this topic and someone brought up coffee “dates.” I don’t think coffee constitutes a date, but I have met someone for coffee or drinks just for an initial meeting to see if we click and make sure everyone looks like they say they do. I will say though that most of the time, those coffee dates have turned into nothing for me. I’m much more likely to want to go on a second date if the first meeting goes well.
This isn’t about money. I don’t expect a guy to drop a percentage of his paycheck on our date. In fact, I’ve been a little put off from those who have.
A date to watch my Cowboys play at a sports bar with some yummy food can be just as much fun as an expensive date out on the town or to an event. So would a date exploring Austin. A date planned while my Cowboys are playing at some place that doesn’t have a TV, not so much. You’ve clearly not done your homework. It’s about time and effort and research.
I’m not a hanging out person. I’m a date person. Show me you’re interested in putting in some effort, otherwise I won’t either. Despite the success of Bumble, this is still a guy chases woman culture, and that’s what most of us expect.
My thought is if you aren’t going to put in the time and effort into pursuing me, then things are really going to go south once we’re committed and that will be a serious case of failed expectations.