“If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall.” Brene Brown
When we were kids, we fell, we got up and we tried again. It is what we were taught… I had some pretty serious falls growing up and learned lessons from each of them. What I’ve realized as an adult is that I was more fearless as a child than I am as an adult.
Around the time I started elementary school, I decided that I would roller skate up a steep asphalt incline that was probably way steeper than I should have attempted. I got a couple of strides in before I fell, my knees and elbows hit first, but then I hit my chin and I bit thru my tongue. Blood went everywhere, I skated the rest of the way home for my mother to bandage me up and ask what in the world I was thinking. I learned not to roller-skate up hill, that there are better ways to fall than elbows and knees first and that some scars never go away. While the scars may remain, I also learned that you can and must learn to forget about them.
Another time, I was at my grandparents’ lake house with my cousins. We were jumping off a couch even though we’d been told numerous times not to. All of the adults were outside and we thought we could jump further if we gained enough height. I landed on the coffee table chin first and put a hole through my mentolabial sulcus (that indented part between your lower lip and chin). I still have that scar and learned a practical lesson: if you’re going to jump, the area should be clear.
Before my grandfather passed away, he decided (after much pestering on my part) to let me learn to ride a moped. I was in 4th or 5th grade. I knew how to balance and drive down the road fairly well, so I tried to turn in the street. I didn’t have the feel for giving it enough gas and turning part.
The first time, I turned too sharply and dumped the moped on top of me. That didn’t work, so the next time, I tried taking a wider turn but let off the gas too much and dumped the moped again. Take three: I took a wider turn and gave it more gas. I almost made it, but then didn’t turn sharp enough and gave it too much gas. I aimed straight for the curb and flipped over the moped. It was the first time I actually saw stars (like in the cartoons). It knocked the breath out of me and scared my grandfather to pieces. The third time was not a charm for me, but I got back up and did it right the next time.
Each of those falls taught me something. In elementary school I was more pragmatic, willing to learn and let my ego go than I am as an adult.
For whatever reason, as we age, many of us say that falling hurts more. It bruises our ego when we feel we should’ve learned a particular lesson earlier in life. The past several times I went skiing, I kept saying I wanted to learn how to snowboard, but I backed down because I didn’t know if I had it in me to repeatedly fall (fail) and get back up and do it again. I lacked the bravery I had when I was a kid. Sometimes, we don’t allow ourselves to get into situations where we are likely to fail whether it’s learning something new, going for a job or promotion we want or just making ourselves vulnerable to another human being.
In the last couple of years, I’ve learned that falling isn’t so bad after all. I still carry the scars and the lessons learned from my many falls, but the wisdom and experience gained from each one is invaluable. My friends have seen me at my most vulnerable and still love me anyway. I earned a great deal of respect from my children seeing me fall and get back up. In fact, my connections with those people in my life are even stronger.
I learn a great deal from my falls, they make me wiser and stronger. I’ve become that same pragmatic little girl who picked the asphalt out of her knees and said, “Well that didn’t work” and tried it a different way.
We just have to remember that if we fall, we shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed about it. It just means we are trying. We are putting ourselves through growth to become a better version of ourselves. So whether you’ve recently gone through a divorce and are putting your dating stilettos back on, or learning how to parent your child on your own, or are just feeling stuck, remember that falling doesn’t mean failure. It just means that that way didn’t work. Being brave doesn’t mean doing it right the first time. Being brave is falling repeatedly and getting back up again, stronger and wiser.
After my divorce, I had little idea what kind of guy I wanted to end up with. I met my ex-husband when I was 19. Prior to that, I only had a handful of relationships, but always had lots of guy friends.
I decided to be open to dating the whole spectrum: guys from their mid-20s to early-60s with incomes ranging from hourly workers to men with enough personal wealth they don’t ever have to work another day in their life. It spanned professional athletes to desk jockeys. I thought I’d find some commonalities between age groups or income/education levels, but nope. Communications styles, levels of commitment, levels of energy, and the way they treated me all differed. It just boils down to the individual and what type of guy he is.
Honestly, when I was going through my divorce, besides finances, getting back into the dating scene was one of the most terrifying thoughts of being single. But, it’s been enjoyable. Even the skirt chasers are entertaining. I’ve ended up staying friends with a few of my dates and we have enlightening conversations about the different sexes, dating, parenting and just life.
Buyer beware of these types
Bench warmer (still finding myself/still a boy): These guys are the most frustrating because some of them have potential. But if they aren’t going to get off the bench to chase you, you need to move on. They lurk. When you find yourself saying a guy has potential, no matter how many boxes he checks or that feeling you get, you need to move on. If and when he ever decides to step up to bat, then he can get in the game. Until then, you’re better off alone.
Emotionally unavailable: These are harder to spot. Sometimes you can get further down the road with someone and realize they are never going to be able to take a relationship to the next level. Something is holding them back. It may be an ex, or something else that has happened. My friend got mixed up with someone who was very unavailable. It didn’t stop him from pulling her close and then pushing her away. It’s not a good place to be.
Take a hard look at how you feel around him. Do you mostly feel anxiety or do you know where you stand? Even if there are brief periods of feeling amazing, but most of the time you’re just anxious, then they may be emotionally unavailable.
Skirt chaser: These guys are all about the chase. You will never be enough because you aren’t special to them, no one is. They just want a skirt to chase, doesn’t matter which skirt, so long as they are “in the game.” Once they feel they’ve caught you, they don’t know what to do with you and they’re on to the next one. This one is easier to spot quickly, just look at his Facebook friend list. TONS of single women? Yep, red flag.
The funniest example of this was when I went to a work conference. Some mutual friends introduced me to this guy (I’m assuming it was for the sole reason of us both being single, because as soon as he opened his mouth, I was like ‘no’.) He grabbed my phone and put in his number using the nickname “hot pants.” Classy. I bumped into him throughout the conference and he made no effort to be discreet when he’d check out a woman. I’m talking craned neck, walking backward. Total cheese. Subcategory: F-boy as in “send me a pic babe.” No Thanks!
I do kinda feel bad for them. There will always be someone prettier, funnier, sweeter, hotter, whatever-er. What they don’t understand is that there’s always someone “better” than them too - hotter, more successful, fitter, etc. What matters is that someone choses you for you and for all of your quirks.
The rescuer: These guys want someone to take care of, or rescue. They barely know you and they want to spoil you, take you on trips, fly you away and just overwhelm you with stuff. For me, this means strings and a cage. No thanks, I’m not a puppet. I’d rather be single and independent. This does not include someone who is just trying to do something nice for you or be there for you after you’ve gotten to know each other. That’s normal. Pampering is one thing, trying to rescue you or buy your love? No Thanks!
The narcissist or control freak: Worst date was with a guy who spent the entire brunch talking about himself. If that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to order for both of us without consulting me and then told me how the food should be eaten with the different sauces. There aren’t enough mimosas in the world to make that tolerable. RUN!
Stage 5 clinger: Please get off me because I can’t deal with this. I need space. You make me want to move to Mars.
The guy next door: Luckily, most guys seem to fall in this category. They’re just normal, run-of-the-mill nice guys.
You may see yourself a bit in each of those categories, but these guys take things to a whole different level. Here’s the big self-awareness thing I learned: I’ve been guilty of being in most of these categories while going through my divorce (yep, another reason not to date before your divorce is final or for the first year after).
Dating different guys helped me create a list of characteristics for what I want, which is a helpful exercise. I’m not married to that list though. I’ve noticed that a guy can check all of the boxes, but it comes down to that connection. It’s either there or it isn’t.
The whole process of dating allowed me to figure out what dating process make me the most comfortable, and what it will look like for anyone to be successful with me.
We all have baggage. It boils down to which imperfections you can live with. Those who are self-aware, warm, genuine and empathetic are the ones who are easiest for me to be around. A guy who is a kid at heart while also being responsible and having his sh*t together would be awesome.
The key lesson for me? Finding someone who captures my imagination and lights me on fire is rare. Like “shooting star” rare. I didn’t find that shooting star until after my divorce. It’s like eating McDonalds all of your life and then tasting something from Odd Duck or Trulucks. You just can’t go back to McDonalds. Even if you’re starving, break down and go through the drive-through anyway, it’s never satisfying so you’re just back to square one and craving some crab cakes.
Unfortunately, that shooting star didn’t work out, so I’ll just make a lot of friends in the meantime and hope another comes along. After all, there are a lot of stars and one of them will eventually shoot through the sky.
Because another thing I’ve learned is that there’s a TON of single people and guys are willing to drive and fly for miles just to go on a date with you.
Here’s to finding that shooting star!
We’ve all heard the saying, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” But when you’re trying to leave an abusive relationship, negotiating how to divide your assets may seem less important than physical safety or just keeping your sh*t together for your kids and your job.
Even if you aren’t leaving a toxic relationship, divorce is stressful and often brings out the worst in people. No matter what your ex says or does, your financial health and what you take away from the marriage is to help establish a good, stable and financially-secure home for your children.
My ex told me all kinds of crazy things that, embarrassingly, I fell for. He was/is connected to our legal community and used his status to manipulate, bully and threaten me into a “uncontested” divorce which he quietly took to a local judge who signed off on it.
Just remember, to a narcissist, everything is your fault and he is the victim. Wrap your head around that and you’ll have a better chance of taking your emotions out of it and making better decisions when he tells you something/offers advice. It’s similar to when your toddler threw a fit or whined to try and get something. You look at them calmly and let them know where your boundaries are.
He said if I pushed for half of our assets, I’d lose and get nothing. He said he would also take our children away from me if I tried to go after any of our assets and that I wasn’t entitled to child support.
I forgot how much it actually costs to set up an entire household. Most people accumulate their things over time, like when you go away to college and start a home with your spouse. Starting over by buying home essentials, kids clothes, furniture, etc. adds up quick.
You need to have a thorough and comprehensive look at your financial situation and plan accordingly. There are several things you want to avoid when dividing your assets especially with a narcissist.
Doing your due diligence when it comes to getting a comprehensive look at your financial affairs is reasonable and equitable. You can’t divide something if you don’t know what that something is. Keeping your wits about you and your emotions in check (easier said than done) is key when divorcing a narcissist.
It’s also important to remember that your lawyer is not a financial advisor. He or she can advise you based on their experiences, but if you have a complicated financial situation, it may be better to hire a specialist. Also, remember that this is not about taking someone to the cleaners or revenge. It is about dividing your assets in a reasonable and equitable way to provide two financially secure homes for your children.
Disclaimer: I’m not a financial advisor or lawyer.
When you get injured, it can be a daunting task to put yourself back into a position to do it again. My oldest son plays hockey. In the first game of the first tournament last year, one of his teammates was checked from behind and broke his leg. We could hear his screams from the other side of the ice. After his teammate was stabilized and taken off the ice to the hospital, the game resumed. Every player on both teams played in a much more subdued manner. They just weren’t as aggressive. No one wanted to experience that, or hurt another player like that.
Getting back into the dating game can be just as daunting. After a 20-year relationship, it was scary to put myself back out there. Especially when my ex was joyfully recounting rape statistics on how often women are abused and extrapolating that to say that one out of four of my dates would be a rapist.
Just like the hockey players, I was tentative at first. Even though I couldn’t articulate what I had been feeling, I understood at a gut level that my weakness was that my boundaries had been crossed so many times during my marriage, separation and divorce that I didn’t know up from down. He even had me questioning my own truths and intuition.
So, just how you wouldn’t choose the toughest, biggest looking opponent, I chose dates who I knew wouldn't push my boundaries. I needed time to rebuild and regain confidence in myself. A friend of mine said it really takes two years before you’re ready for a commitment. I think that’s a good rule of thumb. That first year after my divorce was filled with conflict, which I was still learning to deal with. This second year has been much better.
Women are conditioned to be people pleasers. We are the first to extend the olive branch in an argument and volunteer our time and money to important causes more frequently than men. When it comes to relationships, we tend to lead with our hearts and not our heads.
I’ve heard from many women who have been in abusive or just really toxic relationships who are understandably gun shy. They feel that men are all bad. That hasn’t been my experience at all. There are many gentlemen out there. You just have to know what to look for and be aware of red flags.
Each date helps me refine what I want. Saying that you want someone nice isn’t exactly specific enough. You have to learn to define what behaviors are nice.
When I was 19, all I knew was that I wanted someone who would challenge me. Be careful what you wish for. I got that in spades with my ex. I still want that, but someone who will challenge me in a healthy way.
Whoever I end up choosing will have been through a long vetting process. My biggest question after my divorce was what red flags should I look for? How did I miss the signs in the beginning? Instead of beating up and judging my 19-year-old self, I started making a list. This was actually at the suggestion of my first date. He was an older guy and gently said I had that “deer-in-the-headlight” look. He gave me a lot of suggestions.
If you’re like me and got married young, you missed out on dating a wide variety of guys and didn’t learn to look for red flags.
Here’s some game-ejecting penalties to watch for (yes, some of these seem like no-brainers, but you would be surprised at how many excuses we make for men and all of the crazy things I’ve heard strong women (including myself) have put up with just because we fall head over heels for a guy).
Making a change can be scary. But unless you’re in prison, you aren’t really stuck. You just can't make a decision…or can you?
When so much information is at our fingertips, we tend to research things to the nth degree. Analysis paralysis takes over. What if it doesn't work out? What if I fail? What if it isn't the right choice? Am I doing the right thing?
Those questions can swirl around your head with the same effect of water swirling down a toilet. They have the potential to empty you, to drain you, to paralyze you with fear… in short, they are unproductive and add no benefit to your mental health and happiness.
It's one thing to look at and weigh all your options within a reasonable timeframe. It's another thing if you let those choices bog you down. And it's quite another if you let someone else control you and your choices.
I listened when someone I loved told me I couldn't make it without him. He said I'd never be able to support myself, that no one would ever hire me because I'd been out of my career for too long. He told me I'd end up like his mother, dependent on others to help me out. He told me I was too old, too fat, too many kids and too ugly for anyone else to love me. He told me no one would ever love me like he did. (God, please I hope not. If so, I haven't done my due diligence.) He told me that when he was finished with me, I'd be homeless, penniless and I'd lose my children.
With encouragement like that, I was paralyzed with fear and indecision. Even though I knew in my head that those things he said about me were bogus, my heart sometimes would fall into despair and need a reminder that the lies were not real…and not me.
I’ve heard similar things from other women. I’m stuck, how can I support myself? Am I doing the right thing for my kids? Will they be mad at me? Will he turn them against me? Is this the best decision? What will people think if I stay? What will people think if I go?
In “The Power of Love” Sue Johnson lays out the physical effects of love. “Sociologists are also finding that our life partner is often our only reliable source of support and comfort. Love’s function is safety and survival.”
So what happens when that breaks down in a marriage and it’s hard to figure out what the best option is? “Emotional disconnection literally hurts. Brain scans show that rejection by someone we depend on is processed in the same part of our brain, and in the same way, as physical pain.”
Well, I finally stopped being paralyzed with fear. I decided that while I could not control the situation or even control him, I could control how I react to the situation and at least control me. I got back in shape and lost 10 lbs. I landed a full-time job and more than doubled my income from my flexible part-time job. From that moment in time, I stopped letting fear get in the way of making decisions. Even if the decisions may not always be perfect, they were my decisions and it was empowering.
If I thought it was a nightmare being in my marriage, it was nothing compared to what would come after I began to separate myself from my ex and everything that came after our divorce. In almost every instance I felt like it was a dance: two steps forward and one step back. Each chapter brought it’s own challenges and times when I felt stuck, scared and unsure. Fight or flight mode kicks in and makes decision-making nearly impossible.
I've heard from others who feel stuck in unhappy situations. I would never be so bold as to tell someone what decision they should make, but I will say that you shouldn’t be scared to make one. Life is now. Why stay stuck in an unhappy situation?
Some were unhappy and decided to make their marriage work. Others decided it was better to leave. But the end result and the point is that they made a choice to make their situation better.
I’ve had a few friends who were afraid about what other people would think about their decision. People will judge. They will take the kernel of information they have and make a decision about your situation. But you can’t live your life trying to please everyone. Because of what I’ve been through, I’ve heard from countless people who are going through all kinds of issues. You never know what someone is going through. Even those who judge you harshly are most likely dealing with their own issues.
Some people will judge you for leaving. Why didn’t you try harder? But no one else has to live your life. That’s your job. It’s your job to be the best you that you can be and to make yourself happy. You can’t spread joy if you don’t feel it yourself. What comes out of you is what is within you. So if you want to spread joy, you must have it to begin with.
I read somewhere that you should flip a coin, because in that singular moment you’re waiting for it to land, you typically figure out what is in your heart. I also seek advice from friends whose judgement I trust. With all of this information at our fingertips, we often forget to trust in our instincts and listen to our hearts.
You have to trust your decision making is what will lead to the best outcome, not necessarily the path itself. It is all within you if you choose to empower yourself.
The picture above was the trail I ran the other morning. I had no idea where it went or if it would take me in the right direction. But I knew that I would make the choice to enjoy the journey of discovery that this trail had to offer. So, I just kept running and the path lead me to this beautiful fountain. My run this morning was a physical reminder that sometimes you just have to have faith and keep going…
My aunt and uncle have this sign in their bathroom and it was the perfect reminder that a greater power has control of my life. I may not understand why things are happening the way they are, but I have faith that if I can control my fear, I won’t be stuck and God has it under control.
After my children spend time with someone, they come back to me parroting back words of hate targeted to specific groups of people. I know where these words came from and I know that they are not their own words because they are verbatim the words I heard from the person they spend time with.
Words can harm. When planted and continuously fed these same words, they can take root and warp a person’s world view. I’m determined that these words will not be able to take root.
My children are having problems effectively dealing with conflict and each other when they come home. They are quick to anger and quick to call each other names. It’s heartbreaking to watch and to hear the intolerance.
These are not my same sweet children. Like with any other problem, I wanted to find a solution. In typical “me” fashion, I got a book (or two or three).
I’ve read the Harry Potter series to them for years. I bought the newest book and to my surprise, it’s written as a play. So, we all have parts and take turns reading the play at night. Just like the other Potter books, it’s full of great teachable moments about relationships.
This one seems to serve up those teachable moments in almost every scene. It’s been a wonderful example and has provided some great discussion about healthy and unhealthy relationships as well as healthy and unhealthy reactions.
I also turned to a nonfiction book, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”
I had them take the assessment tests to figure out their style under stress. The assessment breaks down the categories into silence or violence, which are the typical reactions to stress. Under silence, you have masking, avoiding and withdrawing. Under violence, you have controlling, labeling and attacking. The book is designed around conversations and how even violence looks in dialogue. We’ve been reading the book and discussing the lessons off and on.
When they got into an argument the other night, I stood listening for a bit. Neither were raising their voice, but the things they were saying to each other were so sad. I’d heard enough to get the gist and that they were clearly not going to resolve it themselves, so we all sat down and had a chat. We discussed what they were saying and how what they said fell into the different categories of stress, how people react when they feel disrespected, attacked and so forth. We discussed how their sibling’s words made them feel. I tried to get them to get really specific about their feelings and they did a great job.
Then we circled back to the critical questions in the book:
I know that they will continue to have disagreements with each other and other people. I know that they will continue to be exposed to hateful messages and toxic people. But, I’m hopeful that the lessons they learn will carry them onto the path of improving relationships, empathy and understanding.
There is so much to do in and around Austin for a single person. It's an incredible playground full of fun.
During the month I didn't have my kids, I explored. I promised myself when I was going through my horrific separation and divorce that I would try new things. I read, I ran, I wrote, I went out with friends, I dated, I shopped, I talked to my kids, I met knew people, I decorated my house and relaxed.
Thank you to all of my friends (and friends of friends) who helped make the summer truly memorable.
Here are some of my favorites:
Go to a concert and meet the band
Twenty One Pilots, Mute Math and Chef's Special concert was incredible at Circuit of the Americas.
There's tons of concerts every weekend.
Go to a concert and dance onstage with your friends
We rented a party bus and went to the 90s concert at the Cedar Park Center. SO MUCH FUN!
Eat delicious food
La Condesa is so very good and they make a great Sangria.
Uchi, Odd Duck, Lick's Ice Cream, Geraldine's... There's so much good food in Austin.
The Rose Room is my fav right now. But there's tons of places if that isn't your thing.
Go to a Grand Opening and Give to Charity
Hanover's 2.0hanovers2.com Grand Opening was tons of fun with a special performance by my friend's children, Suede, yummy food and drinks, great service and hilarious friends.
They offer table service.
We celebrate everyone's birthday and have a large group, so there's always a party somewhere. Make your friend feel special with a great night or day out: Wine Tour, Wagner's Backyard, Cover 3, Jack Allen's, a stay in a downtown hotel, Hanover's, etc., etc., etc. LOTS of OPTIONS!
Splash in the Puddles and Walk in the Rain
It finally rained. Downtown was completely deserted and so pretty! Made for a great stroll with the lights reflecting off the water.
Go to a Wedding - Celebrate Love
Friends had their after party at Cedar Street Courtyard! GREAT IDEA! Band was funky and so funny.
The season is almost over, but there's still time to catch a game. It's a great way to relax with friends and family.
Excellent place for adults! There's plenty of space to park your rear in the sand (sun and shade) and relax around the lake with lakeside drink service. Horseshoe Bay offers a marina with boat and jet ski rentals (so much fun), tons of pools with music and bars nearby, tennis, mini golf, yummy restaurants, etc. etc.
Trapeze lessons, football games and whatever I can get into. :) Life is an adventure - go get it!
Stress messes with your tresses. All of the stress caused by a divorce can do all kinds of messed up stuff to your body. Hair loss and excessive dryness can be caused by: severe trauma, strict diet of low fat/low calories and extreme stress.
There are several ways to help prevent and combat hair loss and damage. So put on those combat boots, because you haven't heard this song in awhile, dig into a diet with healthy fats and use stimulating hair products. Then kick those heavy things off and relax because that helps too.
Eating a diet that is too low in fat or calories can be very detrimental to your hair. Sometimes you may not feel like eating, or cooking, or getting out of bed… But healthy fats, especially polyunsaturated fats, are good for your hair. Good fats help with hair’s health, strength, shine and overall texture. So remember to eat a healthy and beneficial diet. Fish, nuts, oils and avocados will definitely benefit your hair and your body.
There are many stimulating hair products on the market (not that kind of stimulating). Stimulating products (shampoo, conditioner and topical sprays) help increase circulation which will help to stimulate hair growth. Massaging your scalp will also help increase blood flow to tiny blood vessels, and will bring the supply of vital nutrients to your hair follicles. When you are sitting in front of the TV at night just massage your scalp with your nails in a circular motion, not too hard, for about 5-10 minutes. Plus it feels reeaaallly goood.
Take a moment every day to just be by yourself, even if it is just 5-10 minutes. Go sit in a quiet room and just breath. Even if this is in your car, just take a second to breath. Everything is going to be ok and you are going to be ok. Just taking a few minutes each day will help calm you and your body will appreciate it.
by Anna Craig, owner of Trashy Roots Salon
Suicide Blonde by INXS
I’m in the middle of spending an entire month without my kids. I’ve never gone this long without being with them. I distinctly remember my first five days without them and it was excruciating.
This is a whole lot longer than five days and I miss them, but it’s completely different this time. I still get to text, talk or FaceTime with them every day. Even it’s a short and sweet “I love you and miss you,” we touch base.
I miss seeing their smiles and hearing their laughter. I miss goofing around together, watching movies together, playing games and just hanging out. I miss their late night philosophical questions. I miss hearing, “I love you mommy” on a daily basis and seeing their eyes sparkle as they say it. I miss hearing about their dreams, goals and fears because that rarely comes up during a phone call. I do the mom thing and still worry about them daily (I’ve been told this never goes away).
However, this time is different because I’m in a different place. Maybe because of that I’ve approached this month in a completely different way than I approached that first five days. That first time I was focused on trying to fill that time with things to do just to keep my mind off of not having my kids because it felt like a loss. I was needy and needed my friends. This time I’ve approached it as a time to solely focus on me because when do you EVER get a month to focus on you?
So far, it’s been wonderful. I’ve read, danced all over my house with music blaring (and singing loudly and off-key), relaxed, made a significant dent in that ongoing to-do list, reconnected with old friends, hung out with my group, decorated my house, eaten a lot of delicious food, gone out and lived it up just like a vacation (except the whole working during the week thing, there's still weeknights).
I’ve also taken the time to do a lot of reflecting. Being alone in my very quiet house has been awesome and given me the opportunity to do a lot of soul-searching, analysis of the past and healing.
I feel myself settling back into who I was before I got married (hopefully a wiser and more experienced version, or Me 2.0). I’ve made mistakes, asked for forgiveness and more importantly learned from those mistakes and forgiven myself.
I’ve reached out to an old friend whose friendship I lost because of a person who is no longer a part of my life. It’s funny how close friends try to tell you something and you just aren’t ready to hear it or accept it. It’s hard to watch a friend be dragged down by a toxic relationship they refuse to leave. That conversation was healing and awesome because we had been so close and I never really had satisfactory answers as to why things broke down. Understanding brings healing and our friendship has picked back up. I’m thankful for that.
My sweet boys have a bumpy few months ahead of them. Not only because of transitioning to new schools (middle and high) and growing up, but also because of personal things about to happen in their lives. So this month has given me the chance to learn more about how I can be there for them, support them and guide them through it. I feel a lot more prepared as a parent.
Although these times apart from our children can be hard, finding a way to make this time about you is truly is a rare gift to recharge.
Vacation, The Go-Gos
We all get the wind knocked out of our sails from time to time. Whether it’s your ex causing you static, not getting a job you wanted, getting passed over for a promotion or your kids just not listening.
I’m a big proponent of team sports for this reason. My oldest son plays hockey. He gets checked into the boards and knocked to the ice, but he pops up every time. One mom calls him Gumby. His coach taught him how to take a hit, but it’s his spirit and his will to succeed that picks him up with a look that says, “What? That’s all you’ve got?” As his mom, I don’t like watching him take that hit, but I love watching him get up.
The lessons our kids learn and hopefully the lesson you’ve learned is that there is always a next time, a next play, a next take. You get a do over. My family does ‘do-overs.’ We do ‘try-agains.’ Because let’s face it, we all make mistakes.
We don’t always do our best. Sometimes we do our best, but it’s just not good enough or outside people try to wreck havoc on our awesomeness. We don’t bring it all on every occasion, but when you believe in someone and believe in yourself, you get back up, you do it over, you try again no matter what is knocking you down. The important thing is you get back up because eventually you’ll knock it out of the park.
Song: Tubthumping by Chumbawamba
I'm single and loving it. Two kids and a busy job. Life is an adventure. Being single is liberating. Life is short, spread joy.