I read something recently that lamented the laziness of courtship these days. Granted dating post-college is WAY different not just because of the digital communication, social media and online dating sites (or maybe because of them, who knows?) but also because you have so many demands on your time.
The writer complained about how guys text you to ask you out, the hook-up scene and guys lack of trying. Half the songs on the radio are about hooking up and it’s certainly a part of life, but if that is what two consenting adults want, who cares? Focus on what you want.
Granted, dating isn’t the bumping into a guy on campus, chatting between classes, at parties, etc. before finally giving him your number after having vetted him through your mutual friends. But you can still have that. Dating is truly what you make it.
I expect a traditional date. I’m not hooking up with some dude. I’m not doing the hang out date where we hang out at a bar to see if I like you. The article warns you’ll have fewer dating opportunities by raising your standards. However, I have not found that to be the case. The guys I’ve gone out with always want another date, and another and another, and I take things glacially slow.
I’ve learned from mistakenly jumping into something before I got to know someone. I fell head over heels for a tall drink of water. Instead of having my thirst quenched, I got burned (granted, it was partially my fault) when I fell (okay, jumped, okay pole-vaulted☺) with some epically horrendous timing. I’m a lot more cautious now, hence the glacially slow.
I don’t know if the author of the article doesn’t live in our area or just has a different pool to fish from, but guys are very willing to take you out for coffee, dinner, lunch, whatever you want. However, it does make me uncomfortable when a guy drops $200+ for dinner on a first date. I’m still not going home with him, I don’t even know if I want to go on a second date. Is it nice to be pampered? Sure. But I don’t want to feel obligated to a second date just because a guy went overboard on dinner or feel guilty by declining one.
My favorite date thus far included a reasonably priced dinner, dessert at a different location and staying up until 4 a.m. talking. Just talking and laughing.
So don’t be afraid to have high standards. Drake does. I have them for myself and my kids, why wouldn’t I have them for my date? Why wouldn’t you? It doesn’t make you a prude. It just means you have higher standards than a door knob.
One Dance by Drake
I'm single and loving it. Two kids and a busy job. Life is an adventure. Being single is liberating. Life is short, spread joy.