We are all going to die. I know that sounds morbid, but we are. Life is now. Settling for an okay relationship when I know I won’t be happy with someone is not something I’m willing to do. I’d rather be alone.
That doesn’t mean walking away from a good guy is easy. Walking away from a complete jerk would be a lot easier.
After all, that good guy says the right things at the right time. “Good morning, gorgeous” never gets old. He’s the guy who texts you during the day just to hope it’s going well.
He treats you the way you should be treated. He’s the guy that pays attention to the little things you like and remembers them. He remembers when you have something big going on and follows up with you about it.
He’s the guy who helps you do the things around your house that you need to do. He doesn’t do it because it helps him, he does it because it helps you and your children. If you’re going through something stressful, he lends an ear instead of running away.
He’s engaged. He's present. He knows how to open up and share himself with you. He makes himself vulnerable with you. He listens. He’s funny. He doesn’t avoid the hard things, he works at making the hard things easier. He’s stable. He’s honest. He’s genuinely a good guy.
So, what happens when you reach a point in the relationship where you just know you aren’t going to fall? It doesn’t matter how great he is, you know you’ll just never get there. It would be easy to stay because he’s so great. But is that fair? Is it fair to either of you really?
I chose to end it. I’m not going to lead someone on or let them continue to devote their time to me when I know that my feelings will never grow. It sucks because you’re letting go of something good, of someone good. I believe in being honest and open. He devoted his time and deserves to be treated with respect.
I can’t be selfish and hold on. It’s not fair to him and I want to protect our friendship and him. When you end it and show respect for the other person’s feelings, you protect that relationship. I want to protect our friendship and that mutual respect.
I’ve remained friends with about 90 percent of my past relationships. I think that’s important. There’s something that you saw in them. You got to know them and they got to know you. Just because the relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. I value those friendships. You learn from those relationships and grow from them. I still keep in touch with some of my old boyfriends. They offer perspective and know me well.
With this guy, he told me that the thing he didn’t like about me is that I waste an incredible amount of water when I’m washing dishes. I confess, I do indeed (and when showering and brushing my teeth). My water bill was $170 last month. I think that had more to do with leaving the sprinkler on for two days (THAT’s what that sound was! smh).
So really, water conservationists should swipe left (left? or is it right? I forget). Anyway, they should probably just keep moving. My water habits are unlikely to change.
Beyond learning I’m horrible at water conservation, I’ve learned more about myself and what I want out of my next relationship. He quit his job to pursue his passion because he said I inspired him to do more and pursue his dreams. So hopefully we both gained more than we lost.
So, I will set this one free and hope he finds someone who falls head over heels for him, because that’s what he deserves. Good luck my friend. Life is now. Go get it!
Tips on Doing it Gently
I'm single and loving it. Two kids and a busy job. Life is an adventure. Being single is liberating. Life is short, spread joy.